There's something terribly wrong with me, all the time. It's not something I can see or feel, but other people can, at least unknowingly. This can happen across the web too, so it's not completely my body language, although that surely is part of it. Maybe people imagine me when reading my emails.
Anything I say is met with either disbelief or questioning. Here are numerous general examples.
Trivia:
I know a LOT of useless things. Here are some: Rats cannot vomit; they don't have the reflex. Dolphins are the only other animal (besides us) that have recreational sex. A tesseract is a four-dimensional cube. Viking helmets never had horns. The electronegativity of Chlorine is 3.16.
Now, while you were reading that list, I'll bet you questioned me at some point. To the best of my knowledge, those are all true. However, it doesn't matter, because I said them, so you'll question at least some of them.
Orders:
Anything I tell people to do for any reason must first be questioned. It doesn't matter a lick how mundane or unimportant the order is. Let's say I'm moving, and people are helping me. I say, "Hey, Person, take that box out next."
Could said person just take out the damnable box? Hell no, of course. They must first inform me that there are other boxes that could be taken out first. No matter that they're all just full of the same shit. No no, whatever one I suggested is probably the wrong one. Maybe they'll take it out anyway, but first I must be questioned.
Advice:
Now, everyone knows that humans are by and large incapable of taking advice, especially advice they asked for, but this is still very obvious when I give advice. People will say something like, "Hey Apathy, should I eat this plate full of jagged metal shavings?"
"No," I reply.
"I dunno... it looks really good."
"Sure, but it will cut up your throat and you will drown in blood, which I think we can agree would be an unpleasant situation."
BOOM. Shavings, blood, unpleasantness.
.
